Caring for Elderly Loved Ones from Afar

By Karen F. Folk, Ph.D., CFP®
Urbana, IL

At one time family members—grandparents, parents, and children—lived in close proximity, often in the same house. But that was then and this is now.

According to the MetLife Mature Market Institute’s Since You Care guide, some 34 million Americans are caring for older family members. And 15% of these caregivers, or 5.1 million, live one or more hours from the loved ones who need their help.

In many instances, long-distance caregivers not only care for a parent or older relative, but they also are employed and have dependent children. That’s no easy task. Longdistance caregivers juggle the demands of two households, unable to provide direct, everyday care for older family
members but responsible for arranging for and coordinating services from afar. They often have to rely on reports from others about daily events. Just as often, they have to arrange and then
rearrange work schedules, business trips, and doctors’ appointments.

Sometimes they must make unexpected long-distance trips to deal with crises. As the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) has noted, the responsibility can be difficult, stressful, and time consuming. But here are some suggestions that can make caring for your aging relatives more manageable:

1. Gather information and assess the need.
First, determine with your parents (and other family members) what help is needed. Use in-person visits to socialize but also to assess health and safety issues (e.g., spoiled food in the fridge, unpaid bills, poor personal hygiene). Is there anything unusual or different that could signal a problem? In discussions with parents, stress the need to find solutions that will allow them to maintain their independence as long as possible.

In some cases, you might consider hiring a professional geriatric care manager to assess a family member’s needs. The National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers provides links to association members (www.caremanager.org). A professional geriatric care manager might charge $100 to $500 for an assessment and $60 to $90 an hour for ongoing care. If you choose this option, be sure to select a geriatric manager who is state licensed or certified. Many states and municipalities have benefits and resources to help cover the costs of some services for
qualifying individuals. Another resource, the Eldercare Locator (800-677-1116), can tell you which local agencies provide services and will refer you to the area agency on aging in your parents’ community.

2. Be prepared.
Before a crisis occurs, complete and distribute widely a caregiver emergency information kit. Include in the kit all necessary medical, financial, and legal information, including doctors, medications, insurance information, assets, Social Security numbers, wills, living wills, durable powers of attorney, and healthcare proxies.

Ask your parents to complete HIPAA compliant privacy release forms and file copies at the physician’s office. That way, your parent’s doctor can discuss the older family member’s health with you. A good resource with helpful checklists is www.familycaregiving101.org. AARP also has useful long-distance care-giving resources at www.aarp.org.

3. Develop an informal network.
Experts advise adult children to establish an informal support network composed of family, neighbors, friends, clergy, and others who might help. When you’re visiting your parents or older
family members, introduce yourself to neighbors and friends and keep their phone numbers and addresses handy. If you can’t reach a parent, calling someone in the area that you know may provide peace of mind. In addition, they may be able to help with some needed tasks.

4. Visit as often as you can.
Visit your older family members every few months to check for signs of trouble. Note, however, that professional care can be expensive. According to MetLife, caregivers spend an average of $193 per month on out-ofpocket purchases and services for the care recipient and another $199 per month in traveling and long-distance phone expenses. It may help to consult your ACA advisor early on, to ensure that your loved ones are cared for properly in the future.

This column, produced by the Financial Planning Association (FPA), the membership organization for the financial planning community, was modified by Karen Folk, CFP®, a member of the FPA and ACA.